April 2, 2026

Decided to write a bit about my recent insecurities and doubts to be transparent about them so here we go:

I've been really thinking about what my place on the team is. Not necessarily as a captain but as a player.

I really don't feel like I'm good enough at my weapons to keep being a frontline but I'm also not good enough at other weapons nor do I particularly want to play anything else. But at the same time if I'm not able to do my job properly then what's the point? My job is to make space and get picks, and I don't feel like that's something I do well. I rush in too much and then get picked off for it, and I barely manage to trade most of the time.

Part of me has also been feeling frustrated ever since Jobb started coaching us not because they're doing anything wrong at all, but I feel like I have to relearn the entire game from the ground up. Everything I've learned over the past year feels wrong now, so I'm basically back where I started in October '24. I thought I've improved since I started playing this game, but I feel like I haven't at all.

There's no real reason I should be feeling this way, at least no reason I can think of off the top of my head. Maybe it's just the stress of everything that's been going on? I spiraled earlier in the week after our set so I think that has something to do with it, but it still sucks that this is the way I'm feeling, and I probably will be feeling this way for a while.